How To Slow Down a RelationshipWithout Ending It
This is not your typical fairy tale. Once upon a time you struck up a conversation with a total stranger on an internet dating site. You went out a few times, think each other is wonderful and then, seemingly without warning, he or she is parking their toothbrush in your bathroom and expressing worry because you didn’t call last night.
Um, excuse me? Yeah, not the stuff of fairy tales but, sadly, very much the stuff of real life. So what to do when the person you’re into is moving too fast? You want to slow things down, but not call things off. That’s a hard dance to dance, friends, but it’s completely possible. Read on:
1. Say it, don’t delay it
Is this too obvious? Just telling the person you’re seeing that things are moving a bit fast for you? Shrug. It seems like I hear more often from people who would sooner let the bottom fall out of a budding relationship than confront the problem head on.
There is the possibility that your new sweetie isn’t moving crazy fast; they’re just so into you and excited about the whole thing that they were swept up in the moment and got carried away A quick talk, in a non accusatory way, should jolt them back to reality and the recognition that the two of you are not on the same page.
2. Become less available
Some people, as much as they might feel their space being encroached on, will try to keep up with the advanced relationship pace the other person is setting, just to be nice (and after all, we’re assuming that you’re actually pretty into this person; otherwise, why go through all this trouble to figure this out?).
No matter how they feel about their space being encroached upon, some people just go along with the advanced relationship speed being set by the other person. They’re trying to be nice about it because they’re really quite into this person.
So if you want to slow things down to your comfort level, you need to make yourself unavailable at times. If you have to be at work early tomorrow morning, then make it clear you won’t be spending any time together tonight.
If your new significant other tries to invite him or herself out on nights with friends, tell him or her that eventually, that will be cool but for right now, you want to let things incubate in private between you two for a while.
And if they ask about having a drawer in your dresser or a key to your apartment and you’re not ready to take that step, try to think of some lesser step that you are okay with. Unless you’re one smooth talker, just flat out saying no to crossing small relationship benchmarks can be a sign to an overeager lover that you have no intention of ever getting there. If you offer up an alternative, you could both be happy. Also, see step 1applies every time.
This post was written by the writers of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can find thousands more professional dating posts.
